Overheard on Newport Bus


‘What’re you smirking at?’

‘That old couple that just got off the bus, they were in our restaurant last week celebrating sixty years of being married.’

‘Yeah? So what’s funny about that? I think that’s rather nice.’

‘It is, which is why we treated them to a few bottles of wine and stuff, you know, made a bit of a fuss and all that. Anyway, as we got busier and the wine flowed, they started speaking a bit louder than they realised. The lady was saying how nice it was that he’d brought her to the very place where they first met all those years ago. The old guy was beaming and saying it was such a special day. Then she reminded him that it was outside there in the car park that they’d first made wild passionate love, right up against that very fence.
The old guy was beaming even more now. Then she said, “What about it, Sam? Shall we? For old time’s sake? What do you say?”
Then the two of them scurried outside, holding hands like a couple of love sick teenagers. Well, I thought I’d better keep an eye on them …’

‘Oh, no! You didn’t … you dirty …’

‘No, no, I wasn’t perving! I was worried about them. At their age you don’t know what could happen. Anyway, by the time I got outside they’d already started, and I swear I could not believe what I was seeing. The fence was rattling, they were grunting and groaning. Talk about rabbits on speed. I swear there was smoke coming from them. I had to turn away, almost. Eventually they dropped to the ground and lay there panting and gasping for a couple of minutes before they staggered back towards the door. I scooted inside and smiled at them as they sagged back into their seats. They woman was totally disheveled, eyes like saucers and hair all over the place. The old guy could hardly speak. He pointed over his shoulder with his thumb.
“How long has that piggin’ fence been electric?” he gasped.

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